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Tiger Population Increases For First Time In 100 Years
The global wild tiger census has reached 3,890, the first increase in population in over 100 years and significantly higher than the last survey’s all-time low in 2010. What do you think?


Bernie Sanders Asks Anyone Who’s Serious About Breaking Up Big Banks To Meet Him On Corner Of Canal And Bowery At Midnight
NEW YORK—Inviting all those truly committed to economic equality, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders announced during Thursday night’s Democratic debate that anyone who’s serious about breaking up big banks should meet him on the corner of Canal and Bowery at midnight. “Show up at the base of the Manhattan Bridge at exactly midnight tonight if you really want to break apart the financial institutions and hold Wall Street banks accountable,” said the Vermont senator, adding that everyday Americans can help prevent financial firms from endangering the economic and political process in the U.S. by arriving dressed in dark clothing and taking every precaution to ensure they are not being followed. “Bring a flashlight and come alone. When the clock strikes 12, we bring economic justice to the American people.” At press time, Hillary Clinton had interrupted Sanders to announce that she would be there.


Pains, Trains, and Automobiles During the D.C. Metrorail Shutdown
Metrorail’s recent daylong shutdown resulted in more than 76,000 hours lost in travel time, costing an estimated $1.2 million. Continuing to underfund a troubled system is far costlier than fixing it.



Ban assault weapons now: Our view
A common thread in Orlando and other mass shootings.         


Orlando didn't always embrace gays: Marc Ambinder
Now the police are on our side, but they are no match for an angry man with an assault rifle.         


Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster
GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked. “Wow, she’s got Joyce from work, Cheri, Dana from yoga, Carol, Carol’s new husband—that’s all of the A-listers, together under one roof,” said Dreeshen’s daughter Michelle, wondering aloud how her mother managed to nail down such a jam-packed murderers’ row of neighborhood all-stars. “Jesus, she even managed to pull Dr. Fuller and the Jacobsons. Top to bottom, it’s just loaded. There’s not a single weak spot in the entire guest list.” Sources reported that such an imposing, big-name lineup would “absolutely crush” the likely dinner party topics of the Wannemakers’ new deck and Carol’s upcoming trip to Italy with her son ...



The State of the U.S. Labor Market: Pre-March 2016 Jobs Release
Labor market indicators show a healthy economy that has room to grow.


The State of the U.S. Labor Market: Pre-April 2016 Jobs Release
Workers are finding jobs, but most still need a raise.


How the House Budget Sides with the Wealthy Over Everyone Else—Even Republican Voters
The House budget makes choices that are terrible for working families but popular with wealthy Republican donors. These priorities are out of touch with the American people and a majority of Republican voters.



Trump at 70, just the way he is: Bill Sternberg
Don't expect this candidate to change his ways in his golden (haired) years.         


Universe Feels Zero Connection To Guy Tripping On Mushrooms
EUGENE, OR—Noting that it had yet to experience any sort of oneness with the 22-year-old, the universe confirmed Friday that it felt absolutely zero connection to a local man currently tripping on hallucinogenic mushrooms. “As far as I can tell, all the boundaries between myself and this guy remain completely intact, so I certainly wouldn’t say that he and I have become one with each other at all,” said the collection of all space and matter, which added that, if anything, it was feeling further removed from the man after he ate two grams of psilocybin mushrooms and spent the ensuing three hours just sitting on his basement couch, during which time he effectively did nothing to interact with the world or universe more broadly. “Frankly, I feel like he and I are as separate and unconnected as we’ve always been. Sure, he seems like a decent ...


Gun laws don’t deter terrorists: Opposing view
Destroy radical Islam, not the right of law-abiding Americans to protect themselves.         






 
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